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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25792654">something's in my head</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmoTragedy/pseuds/EmoTragedy'>EmoTragedy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Muteness, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:15:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25792654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmoTragedy/pseuds/EmoTragedy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ishimaru isn't okay after Owada's death.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hagakure Yasuhiro &amp; Ishimaru Kiyotaka, Ishimaru Kiyotaka &amp; Naegi Makoto, Ishimaru Kiyotaka &amp; Oowada Mondo, Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>99</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>something's in my head</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title from the song "i'm gone" by oliver tree</p>
<p>TW HERE IN CASE YOU SKIPPED THE TAGS: THIS FIC CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, IMPLIED/REFERENCED EATING DISORDERS, INSOMNIA, ETC. THOUGH IT DOES NOT GO INTO EXPLICIT DETAIL, IT'S WISER TO PROCEED WITH CAUTION NEVERTHELESS.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It hadn't been long at all since Owada died – two days, almost three. Ishimaru felt hollow inside, stunned into silence for far longer than was possible. He hadn't spoken a word since after it had happened, and he dared not touch any of the food in the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For someone who appreciated rules more than anyone else, Ishimaru no longer bothered straying from the confines of his room. What was the point? His body felt numb, his legs were like lead. He had nothing – nobody else to stay alive for. He recalls how he'd hated Owada at first, seeing him for what he showed himself to be; a troublemaker; a rebel; an unreliable burden.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the sauna, everything had changed for both of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They'd unlocked secrets about eachother, they'd spoken up about their deepest fears, their greatest downfalls, their biggest regrets – and that was where the bond had formed, bone-deep and stronger than anything they'd ever known before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishimaru wasn't used to having a friend, and with Owada by his side, he felt he could take on the world and more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But Owada was dead.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And Ishimaru was alone again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sleep was impossible for the most part, especially with dreams tainted by memories of Owada's death and the regret of their petty fights they'd had before their endurance competition. The simplest things were so unbelievably difficult.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishimaru didn't bother to eat, to drink, to shower, to clean, to even meet up with anyone like they'd arranged to; like Ishimaru himself had initially suggested. How could he? The one person who ever bothered to understand him was gone, permanently. Ishimaru wanted it to end. He'd toss and turn in his bed as if trying to chafe the skin off his bones. He wanted Owada by his side once more, and the only way he could achieve what he wanted was to die himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hagakure was nice to him, yet Ishimaru still could not find the words to speak. He didn't want to speak, no matter how caring Hagakure or anyone else could ever be to him. His brother was gone, and that was all that mattered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was broken.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>However, his brother's redemption came in the form of a laptop. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fujisaki, who'd died by the hands of Owada himself, appeared on the screen. It was only his head, but it was still Fujisaki nevertheless. He spoke to them, smiled and laughed, just like he used to. When the news that Alter Ego, the name decided for the virtual Fujisaki, existed came round to Ishimaru, he found himself intrigued. He found a reason to leave his room, to<br/>
finally communicate with Naegi. Reluctantly compliant, Naegi led Ishimaru to the bathhouse, where they'd chosen to keep Alter Ego.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishimaru couldn't believe his eyes. A swell of hope flared inside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alter Ego talked to him, and, with tears in his tired eyes, Ishimaru talked back. Fujisaki's face flickered, and flickered again, until it wasn't his face that stared back at Ishimaru.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Owada.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His first friend; his brother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishimaru nearly fell to his knees, legs trembling beneath him as he struggled to hold to laptop. It suddenly felt so heavy despite the warmth that flourished in his chest. As Owada spoke to him – and it was Owada, through and through – Ishimaru felt his mind break and fix itself all at once, like a window that was constantly cracking but being fixed simultaneously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mind began to split, piece by piece.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once Alter Ego had been put away again, he was no longer himself. With a scream that echoed in the confines of the bathhouse, Ishimaru collapsed and faded away, leaving a fusion of Owada and Ishimaru in its wake.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishida, he called himself, with stark white hair and glowing red eyes. He was loud and boisterous like Owada had been, yet refused to properly swear, just like Ishimaru. Owada's soul was festering inside of him, Ishimaru repeatedly insisted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ishimaru would survive, and when he finally got out, he'd take Owada with him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He never got that chance.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>small fic is small</p>
<p>anyway i felt like angst and uhh i turned up with this rubbish so</p>
<p>i won't continue this most likely, it's just a drabble i thought of at 2am</p></blockquote></div></div>
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